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  • Heard in the Dare House

  • Naomi"Mom, isn't the Charleston that dance on that show Fresh Prince...or....?"
  • Pete"We should all act out a Shakespeare play. Maybe Macbeth?"
    Anna "Oh! I want to play MacMeth!"

  • Josh"Owe! I bit my tongue!"
    Mom "That's not part of dinner, dude."
    Josh"I know. That's why I didn't bite it off, Michael Tyson"

  • Dad "Josh, do you know who Mike Tyson bit?"
    Josh"Uuuhh...yeah...like... Leonard Skimmer?"

  • Anna [When we were all talking about love languages, Dad explains how you can change over your life]"Oh yeah, totally. 'Cause I used to be into drawing."
  • Anna [after falling off her bike]"I'm OK! I don't need the arcade kit!"
  • Dad [Getting ready to give a gift to the girls for their piano recital]"Alright girls, we're going to do something that's long overdue."
    Anna "Ha. Probably taxes..."

  • Josh [After reading Peter's sign that said, "DJ takes requests, and tips] "Hey. I have a tip for you. If people don't like the song you're playing, you should change it."
  • Anna "Sometimes I look around and think, I am Anna...and these are other people..."
  • Josh "Listen. You give me the Simon's Quest code and I'll shop in the women's section!"
  • Josh "You smell like an air freshener, Mom."
    Dad "oh Josh those are kind of cheap so that sounds like you’re kind of insulting Mom when you say that."
    Josh "MMMMmmmm…you smell like a $100 air freshener."

  • Anna "Mom. Where’s the first Bible ever. Like ever."
    Mom "Ummm, I’m not sure. But maybe you could ask Dad about that"
    Anna "Well. I was gonna, but I didn’t want to get a whole sermon…so I asked you"

  • Dad "Hmm. These chips taste stale."
    Mom "They're not stale. They're just from Aldi."

  • Naomi "Look Mom! My foot is bigger than Anna's whole face!"
  • Peter [Interrupting Mom quizzing Naomi on Science by asking, "What's inside the membrane of a cell?"] "...Insane?"
  • Anna [Seeing Almonso Wilder grab Laura Ingles' engagement ring from the kitchen on Little House] "Hmph. He just grabbed a chill pill."
  • Josh "Dad, my grammar book must be in labor. It keeps talking about contractions"
  • Josh [After Dad picked a crumb off Josh's shirt]"Dad, you're like a parasite, cleaning me."
  • Anna[Watching Dorothy's friends break her out of the wicked witch's castle]: "Well. That's why you always keep your axe with ya."
  • Josh: "I wonder if there are any tornadoes at the campground we're going to."
    Anna: "Yes. There are. I know. I checked on E-Bay."

  • Mom: "Mmmm, Josh. You smell really good. Are you wearing cologne?"
    Josh: "Wait. My.....Clone Trooper, you mean?"

  • Mom: "I delivered all four of these kids. The least they can do is let me have the rest of the dill pickle potato chips!"
  • Josh: "You're a weak-aholic!"
    Dad: "A weakaholic?!"
    Josh: "Yeah. You're addicted to being weak!"

  • Dad: [After listening to the long piano intro to Chicago's Does anybody really know what time it is?] "I don't like that dissident music. It's all crazy and off time."
    Anna: "I like it! 'Cuz that's how I play!"

  • Paul: "So according to this book kids, who shot JFK?"
    Josh: "Lee Elvis Hardwell?"

  • Paul: "How Many Kings by Downhere is a perfect running song. The beat is just my pace."
    Jen: "Oh yeah? My song is Canon in D."

  • Anna[while washing herself in the shower]: "Hmmmmm. Arms are helpful."
  • Anna [Seeing Mom running water in the kitchen sink]: "Hey! You want to pay bills?!"
    Mom: "Huh?"
    Anna: "You're wasting!"

  • Josh: "Mom, can I play Mario?"
    Mom: "No Josh. Today is craft day. We're doing stuff for someone."
    Josh: "Yeah. I was gonna beat the game for Dad."

  • Anna: [Laying in bed, in a depressed voice]"Naomi, what do I do with life?"
    Naomi: "Uhh...how about you go to sleep?"

  • Mom: "Weird, I've always heard that song differently. But hey, what am I?"
    Anna: "A human being!"

  • Anna: [After being told to eat her dinner]"Mom, I took two bites! You can see the ground!"
  • Josh: "Man, I want to go to a casino."
    Mom: "What?!"
    Josh: "Wait. Is casino the same as gazebo?"

  • Jen to the kids: "Guys, don't forget toppings for your salad. The more colors on your salad, the better it is for you."
    Josh: "Even if it has Superman ice cream on it?!"

  • Anna"Huh? Craig has a list?"
  • Anna"Naomi, can you look at your calendar with your eyes closed?"
    Naomi"No. No one can, silly."
    Anna"Chuck Norris can!!"

  • Mom"Thanks to Naomi, who passed her headache on to me."
    Naomi"Pastor Headache? Who's Pastor Headache?!"

  • Darefamily: “Night, Pete. Night, Naomi. Night, Mom. Night, Dad...”
    Anna: “Night, vision!”

  • Anna: “Dad, do you believe in Santa?”
    Dad: “Sure, St. Nicholas was at the council of Nicea. He punched Arius in the mouth for his heresy…”
    Anna: “Hmmmm…I don’t remember seeing that in the video…”

  • Pete: "Josh, you know what the Pope is, right?"
    Josh: "Yeah. The stuff in the orange juice."

  • Anna: "Yeah! Let's get this starty parted!"
  • Josh"Bummer Mom, you're not ticklish. But I can still hurt you, because your nervous system is working!"
  • Josh"Sorry Grandma, I don't really like antiques...unless they have up to date stuff."
  • Naomi:"I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of, a whale or a shark, 'cuz I know how to fight a shark, 'cuz they're really weak in the eyes..."
  • What did you get for Father’s Day?

    Father’s day. What a blessing. I felt as if I should get Jennifer and the children gifts to celebrate.  I didn’t.  Instead, they blew my socks off with gifts, kind words, service and quality time. Peter, the oldest, put a dollar and some change in my dresser drawer with a note reading, “Get some coffee, please”.  Precious.  Anna got me a big box of peanut MnMs.   She then proceeded to pepper me with requests to “have some” from the second I opened them.  I finally got my black belt too.  No, I didn’t just change the subject to karate.  I made the unforgivable fashion fopaux by wearing a brown belt with black shoes for a customer meeting last week.  So, lo and behold, what did my good family get me for Father’s day?  A black belt.  Man it was fun to tell people at church I get my black belt and watch their reaction before I pointed to my waist.  The last gift I opened was great; one of those lap tray things.  I’m realizing, as I write, how difficult it is to describe one of these.  It has a bean bag type bottom but is mounted to a hard surface that you can place a book or laptop computer on.  This one is the deluxe model though.  Cup holder, flexible neck LED light and even the word “Cozy” embossed in the middle of the tray.  What else could one ask for?  Maybe a good book.  I’ll have to look for one of those.

    This isn’t the whole story though.  All of these things were indeed wonderful.  I am truly thankful for every gift, I’m genuinely happy that the children wanted to do these things to honor me.  However, the best gift I received happened later.  After the presents, a trip to church and back, after lunch—something fantastic occurred.  I was sitting in the living room, taking apart a motorized Marvin the Martian PEZ dispenser with Peter (we got it working!).  I looked around the room and there they were.  Naomi sat curled up in the recliner reading a book.  Josh was sprawled out on the couch tinkering with a toy of his own.  Jen lay next to me on the floor and Anna meandered around the room, always the social butterfly.  This was the best part of Father’s day.  We were all there, in one room, just hanging out.  It was wonderful, rewarding, it was my favorite gift.  It may sound too simple but that’s all I really wanted this year.  You see, having been so radically transformed by The Father, my expectation on the honor I should or could receive is very low.  I know that children are called to “honor their Father and their Mother” and we hope to install that into our kids by way of both example and teaching.  But, I certainly carry no sense of entitlement when it comes to the day our culture has set aside for honoring Fathers.  I really did think that Jen and the kids should be getting the gifts.  Not just to celebrate, but as a reward for putting up with me and all of my shortcomings.  With misplaced priorities, a quick temper and a tendency to wander (spiritually, not physically)-I often don’t provide much for the children to honor.  And yet they do.  There is only one reason for that; God’s amazing grace.  It is because the ultimate Father has rescued me from the penalty my sins deserve, set my feet upon the rock and put a new song in my heart that I stand overwhelmed when others (especially those who know me best!) want to give me gifts for being a good Dad.  I graciously and genuinely accept them, but fight hard to never expect them.  I hope all of the Fathers out there had a great Father’s day.  More importantly, I hope all of you know The Father from who comes every good and perfect gift.  He is always worthy of all honor, never mis-prioritized, slow to anger and does not wander.  Will you trust Him both today and for eternity?

    -Paul

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    2 Responses

    1. I think you guys have the best blog in the whole wide world! no, seriously, I’ve read them all, and yours IS the best!

      Mom

    2. Mom-I think you’re biased…and I think we like it. 🙂

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