How to invent completely new phrases

DISCLAIMER: This post is not intended at all, whatsoever to offend anyone.  Including, specifically, but not limited to the individual about which it is written.  Any offense taken is purely and unequivocally unintended and the author will not be held liable for printing libel about the aforementioned individual.  (In layman’s terms: I love you, honey)

My soul-mate is frequently inventing new phrases that blow me away.  They are both humorous and enlightening.  And, if they ever actually caught on in the every day language of common society, they would revolutionize how we communicate forever.  The great thing about these new-fangled frases is that they aren’t completely out of the blue.  They are derived from commonly known and understood expressions and often are nothing more than a simple combination of two or more popular maxims, axioms or euphemisms that the common-folk (like me) are familiar with.  Allow me to illustrate, please.

A few weeks ago, my wife was trying to make an educated guess about something.  The topic isn’t important.  What’s important is the way she described what she was doing –

“I’m not sure…I’m just taking a stab in the dark”

Brilliant!  Taking a stab at something + A shot in the dark = Taking a stab in the dark.  Why didn’t I think of that?

Another one?  OK, I’ll give you one more from the vault.  The plan is to periodically add one or two to this blog.  I can’t give them all to you at once for two reasons.  First because they would kill you. I mean that.  The cumulative power an exhaustive list of new phrases from my bride would physically stop your heart.  It’s simply a safety issue.  Second reason is I can’t remember them all.  Good thing, because if I did I wouldn’t be alive to write the ones I could recall.  Anyway, here’s another one.  Prepare for mild cardiac arrest.

Driving home from my Mom’s a few days ago, Jen was expressing how amazed she was at something I had surprised her with.  These are her exact words –

“I just don’t know where you pull these hat tricks out from…”

I’m tearing up.  This was beyond profound.  She has entered ‘guru’ level with this one.  I can only hope to ascend the rocky mountainside to the summit where I can fall at her feet and cry out for wisdom from her mouth.  Think of it!  A magician pulls things from his hat + Hockey players score three goals for a hat trick = Pulling out hat tricks is an elevated form of overwhelming someone with a surprise (obviously!).

I bow and repeat, “I’m not worthy….I’m not worthy…I’m not worthy…”

-pd

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