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  • Heard in the Dare House

  • Naomi"Mom, isn't the Charleston that dance on that show Fresh Prince...or....?"
  • Pete"We should all act out a Shakespeare play. Maybe Macbeth?"
    Anna "Oh! I want to play MacMeth!"

  • Josh"Owe! I bit my tongue!"
    Mom "That's not part of dinner, dude."
    Josh"I know. That's why I didn't bite it off, Michael Tyson"

  • Dad "Josh, do you know who Mike Tyson bit?"
    Josh"Uuuhh...yeah...like... Leonard Skimmer?"

  • Anna [When we were all talking about love languages, Dad explains how you can change over your life]"Oh yeah, totally. 'Cause I used to be into drawing."
  • Anna [after falling off her bike]"I'm OK! I don't need the arcade kit!"
  • Dad [Getting ready to give a gift to the girls for their piano recital]"Alright girls, we're going to do something that's long overdue."
    Anna "Ha. Probably taxes..."

  • Josh [After reading Peter's sign that said, "DJ takes requests, and tips] "Hey. I have a tip for you. If people don't like the song you're playing, you should change it."
  • Anna "Sometimes I look around and think, I am Anna...and these are other people..."
  • Josh "Listen. You give me the Simon's Quest code and I'll shop in the women's section!"
  • Josh "You smell like an air freshener, Mom."
    Dad "oh Josh those are kind of cheap so that sounds like you’re kind of insulting Mom when you say that."
    Josh "MMMMmmmm…you smell like a $100 air freshener."

  • Anna "Mom. Where’s the first Bible ever. Like ever."
    Mom "Ummm, I’m not sure. But maybe you could ask Dad about that"
    Anna "Well. I was gonna, but I didn’t want to get a whole sermon…so I asked you"

  • Dad "Hmm. These chips taste stale."
    Mom "They're not stale. They're just from Aldi."

  • Naomi "Look Mom! My foot is bigger than Anna's whole face!"
  • Peter [Interrupting Mom quizzing Naomi on Science by asking, "What's inside the membrane of a cell?"] "...Insane?"
  • Anna [Seeing Almonso Wilder grab Laura Ingles' engagement ring from the kitchen on Little House] "Hmph. He just grabbed a chill pill."
  • Josh "Dad, my grammar book must be in labor. It keeps talking about contractions"
  • Josh [After Dad picked a crumb off Josh's shirt]"Dad, you're like a parasite, cleaning me."
  • Anna[Watching Dorothy's friends break her out of the wicked witch's castle]: "Well. That's why you always keep your axe with ya."
  • Josh: "I wonder if there are any tornadoes at the campground we're going to."
    Anna: "Yes. There are. I know. I checked on E-Bay."

  • Mom: "Mmmm, Josh. You smell really good. Are you wearing cologne?"
    Josh: "Wait. My.....Clone Trooper, you mean?"

  • Mom: "I delivered all four of these kids. The least they can do is let me have the rest of the dill pickle potato chips!"
  • Josh: "You're a weak-aholic!"
    Dad: "A weakaholic?!"
    Josh: "Yeah. You're addicted to being weak!"

  • Dad: [After listening to the long piano intro to Chicago's Does anybody really know what time it is?] "I don't like that dissident music. It's all crazy and off time."
    Anna: "I like it! 'Cuz that's how I play!"

  • Paul: "So according to this book kids, who shot JFK?"
    Josh: "Lee Elvis Hardwell?"

  • Paul: "How Many Kings by Downhere is a perfect running song. The beat is just my pace."
    Jen: "Oh yeah? My song is Canon in D."

  • Anna[while washing herself in the shower]: "Hmmmmm. Arms are helpful."
  • Anna [Seeing Mom running water in the kitchen sink]: "Hey! You want to pay bills?!"
    Mom: "Huh?"
    Anna: "You're wasting!"

  • Josh: "Mom, can I play Mario?"
    Mom: "No Josh. Today is craft day. We're doing stuff for someone."
    Josh: "Yeah. I was gonna beat the game for Dad."

  • Anna: [Laying in bed, in a depressed voice]"Naomi, what do I do with life?"
    Naomi: "Uhh...how about you go to sleep?"

  • Mom: "Weird, I've always heard that song differently. But hey, what am I?"
    Anna: "A human being!"

  • Anna: [After being told to eat her dinner]"Mom, I took two bites! You can see the ground!"
  • Josh: "Man, I want to go to a casino."
    Mom: "What?!"
    Josh: "Wait. Is casino the same as gazebo?"

  • Jen to the kids: "Guys, don't forget toppings for your salad. The more colors on your salad, the better it is for you."
    Josh: "Even if it has Superman ice cream on it?!"

  • Anna"Huh? Craig has a list?"
  • Anna"Naomi, can you look at your calendar with your eyes closed?"
    Naomi"No. No one can, silly."
    Anna"Chuck Norris can!!"

  • Mom"Thanks to Naomi, who passed her headache on to me."
    Naomi"Pastor Headache? Who's Pastor Headache?!"

  • Darefamily: “Night, Pete. Night, Naomi. Night, Mom. Night, Dad...”
    Anna: “Night, vision!”

  • Anna: “Dad, do you believe in Santa?”
    Dad: “Sure, St. Nicholas was at the council of Nicea. He punched Arius in the mouth for his heresy…”
    Anna: “Hmmmm…I don’t remember seeing that in the video…”

  • Pete: "Josh, you know what the Pope is, right?"
    Josh: "Yeah. The stuff in the orange juice."

  • Anna: "Yeah! Let's get this starty parted!"
  • Josh"Bummer Mom, you're not ticklish. But I can still hurt you, because your nervous system is working!"
  • Josh"Sorry Grandma, I don't really like antiques...unless they have up to date stuff."
  • Naomi:"I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of, a whale or a shark, 'cuz I know how to fight a shark, 'cuz they're really weak in the eyes..."
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    How to be a wonderful mate

    -But seriously folks –

    All kidding aside (don’t worry, it’s only temporary), my wife is a wonderful mate.  I could list all the things she does for me and the children but instead, I’d thought I’d list the things she doesn’t do that are a tremendous blessing to me as a husband and father.

    1.  She doesn’t expect too much of me.

    This is actually a good thing.  She knows she’s a sinner and she knows she married a sinner, so she’s adjusting her expectations accordingly.  More accurately, I could say, “she expects what is reasonable from me, given who I am.”

    2.  She doesn’t let me get by with mediocre performance.

    This isn’t the opposite of #1.  With appropriate expectations of me, my wife doesn’t let my failures go unchecked.  I can’t describe how thankful I am for her accountability.  Never micro-managey, never self-righteous, but always redemptive.  I desperately need this.  I encourage all married men to solicit the same accountability from your wives.  Be responsible and self governed, but don’t miss the blessing of your wife’s help in this area.

    3.  She doesn’t bore me.

    She makes me laugh.  Yes, I created a blog to chronicle all the things that she has wowed me with and usually most, if not all, of these discoveries are discovered with an outburst of much laughter.  But I’m talking about something much more precious than times like these.  My wife is hilarious.  She doesn’t think she is, but she is.  She can go hours or even days just plugging along, doing her thing and then *WHAM* out of nowhere, drop a one-liner that puts me on the floor laughing until I have a stomach cramp.

    4. She doesn’t nag me.

    “Wait, I thought you just said she tries to hold you accountable?”  Yep.  But she never nags.  I have countless shortcomings.  Some are hidden, some you can see as you walk through our house (sorry honey, I promise I’ll get to that).  Jen is free to talk about these shortcomings, but she never nags me about them.  She never belittles me or sharply points out my unfinished projects and unkept promises.  I’m so thankful for this.  Not so that I can continue to slack either.  If anything, it makes me want to do more and better!

    5. She doesn’t neglect the children.

    I know she’s rolling her eyes reading this one right now.  But it’s true nonetheless.  She is a great Mom.  Sure, she’s got her struggles and difficult days.  She, like me, falls short of the standard.  BUT – Overall, she’s doing wonderful.  She’s teaches them, she shows them things, shares memories, keeps them in line, takes them places, cooks for them, cleans everything, teaches them how to cook and clean, supports them, prays with them, reads the Scriptures with them and manages our home very well.  This list of activities is by no means exhaustive.  She does much more.  My point is this: she doesn’t spend all her time sitting on the couch, watching soaps, eating bon-bons.  She is an active and intentional mother.  And a good one at that.

    Just five?  Was that all you could come up with?  No way.  I could honestly go on and on.  And I’m not just saying that.  “In real life”, as Anna says. I just like to keep these posts short so people will read them.  🙂

    Jen teaches me how to be a good mate.  Not in the exact same way, obviously.  I’m a man, she’s a woman and our roles are different.  But things like humility, humor, service and good parenting transcend our gender and I often grow as a leader as I watch her live as a helper.

    I praise the Lord for a wonderful wife.  I am grateful for the One who first said, “It is not good for the man to be alone…I will make a helper, suitable for him”  I’m thankful for a good and godly helper who walks along with me toward the heavenly city as we work hard to live Christ like lives, raise godly children, love our neighbors and try to faithfully serve the King.

    (I love you, Jen)


    (Next Post: “How to hunt bear”)


    One Response

    1. you are too sweet and i love you too!

      how to hunt bear?!?!? oh no! i know what that means! LOL!!!!!


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