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  • Heard in the Dare House

  • Naomi"Mom, isn't the Charleston that dance on that show Fresh Prince...or....?"
  • Pete"We should all act out a Shakespeare play. Maybe Macbeth?"
    Anna "Oh! I want to play MacMeth!"

  • Josh"Owe! I bit my tongue!"
    Mom "That's not part of dinner, dude."
    Josh"I know. That's why I didn't bite it off, Michael Tyson"

  • Dad "Josh, do you know who Mike Tyson bit?"
    Josh"Uuuhh...yeah...like... Leonard Skimmer?"

  • Anna [When we were all talking about love languages, Dad explains how you can change over your life]"Oh yeah, totally. 'Cause I used to be into drawing."
  • Anna [after falling off her bike]"I'm OK! I don't need the arcade kit!"
  • Dad [Getting ready to give a gift to the girls for their piano recital]"Alright girls, we're going to do something that's long overdue."
    Anna "Ha. Probably taxes..."

  • Josh [After reading Peter's sign that said, "DJ takes requests, and tips] "Hey. I have a tip for you. If people don't like the song you're playing, you should change it."
  • Anna "Sometimes I look around and think, I am Anna...and these are other people..."
  • Josh "Listen. You give me the Simon's Quest code and I'll shop in the women's section!"
  • Josh "You smell like an air freshener, Mom."
    Dad "oh Josh those are kind of cheap so that sounds like you’re kind of insulting Mom when you say that."
    Josh "MMMMmmmm…you smell like a $100 air freshener."

  • Anna "Mom. Where’s the first Bible ever. Like ever."
    Mom "Ummm, I’m not sure. But maybe you could ask Dad about that"
    Anna "Well. I was gonna, but I didn’t want to get a whole sermon…so I asked you"

  • Dad "Hmm. These chips taste stale."
    Mom "They're not stale. They're just from Aldi."

  • Naomi "Look Mom! My foot is bigger than Anna's whole face!"
  • Peter [Interrupting Mom quizzing Naomi on Science by asking, "What's inside the membrane of a cell?"] "...Insane?"
  • Anna [Seeing Almonso Wilder grab Laura Ingles' engagement ring from the kitchen on Little House] "Hmph. He just grabbed a chill pill."
  • Josh "Dad, my grammar book must be in labor. It keeps talking about contractions"
  • Josh [After Dad picked a crumb off Josh's shirt]"Dad, you're like a parasite, cleaning me."
  • Anna[Watching Dorothy's friends break her out of the wicked witch's castle]: "Well. That's why you always keep your axe with ya."
  • Josh: "I wonder if there are any tornadoes at the campground we're going to."
    Anna: "Yes. There are. I know. I checked on E-Bay."

  • Mom: "Mmmm, Josh. You smell really good. Are you wearing cologne?"
    Josh: "Wait. My.....Clone Trooper, you mean?"

  • Mom: "I delivered all four of these kids. The least they can do is let me have the rest of the dill pickle potato chips!"
  • Josh: "You're a weak-aholic!"
    Dad: "A weakaholic?!"
    Josh: "Yeah. You're addicted to being weak!"

  • Dad: [After listening to the long piano intro to Chicago's Does anybody really know what time it is?] "I don't like that dissident music. It's all crazy and off time."
    Anna: "I like it! 'Cuz that's how I play!"

  • Paul: "So according to this book kids, who shot JFK?"
    Josh: "Lee Elvis Hardwell?"

  • Paul: "How Many Kings by Downhere is a perfect running song. The beat is just my pace."
    Jen: "Oh yeah? My song is Canon in D."

  • Anna[while washing herself in the shower]: "Hmmmmm. Arms are helpful."
  • Anna [Seeing Mom running water in the kitchen sink]: "Hey! You want to pay bills?!"
    Mom: "Huh?"
    Anna: "You're wasting!"

  • Josh: "Mom, can I play Mario?"
    Mom: "No Josh. Today is craft day. We're doing stuff for someone."
    Josh: "Yeah. I was gonna beat the game for Dad."

  • Anna: [Laying in bed, in a depressed voice]"Naomi, what do I do with life?"
    Naomi: "Uhh...how about you go to sleep?"

  • Mom: "Weird, I've always heard that song differently. But hey, what am I?"
    Anna: "A human being!"

  • Anna: [After being told to eat her dinner]"Mom, I took two bites! You can see the ground!"
  • Josh: "Man, I want to go to a casino."
    Mom: "What?!"
    Josh: "Wait. Is casino the same as gazebo?"

  • Jen to the kids: "Guys, don't forget toppings for your salad. The more colors on your salad, the better it is for you."
    Josh: "Even if it has Superman ice cream on it?!"

  • Anna"Huh? Craig has a list?"
  • Anna"Naomi, can you look at your calendar with your eyes closed?"
    Naomi"No. No one can, silly."
    Anna"Chuck Norris can!!"

  • Mom"Thanks to Naomi, who passed her headache on to me."
    Naomi"Pastor Headache? Who's Pastor Headache?!"

  • Darefamily: “Night, Pete. Night, Naomi. Night, Mom. Night, Dad...”
    Anna: “Night, vision!”

  • Anna: “Dad, do you believe in Santa?”
    Dad: “Sure, St. Nicholas was at the council of Nicea. He punched Arius in the mouth for his heresy…”
    Anna: “Hmmmm…I don’t remember seeing that in the video…”

  • Pete: "Josh, you know what the Pope is, right?"
    Josh: "Yeah. The stuff in the orange juice."

  • Anna: "Yeah! Let's get this starty parted!"
  • Josh"Bummer Mom, you're not ticklish. But I can still hurt you, because your nervous system is working!"
  • Josh"Sorry Grandma, I don't really like antiques...unless they have up to date stuff."
  • Naomi:"I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of, a whale or a shark, 'cuz I know how to fight a shark, 'cuz they're really weak in the eyes..."
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    OK, time for a rant.  I try to avoid these at all costs.  Maybe it’s not even a rant.  Maybe it’s a warning call to all parents.  It concerns a resource from a site we check daily called “Home school Freebie of the Day“.  Regardless of your schooling approach (public, home, private, military prep 🙂 , etc) or even your parenting style for that matter, the “book” listed below is an absolute disaster.  I highly discourage you to read it.  Two things really irked me when I was making my way through it.  The picture links to it below (not sure if you can still download the PDF):

    Here are my “irks” –

    1.  Horrible grammar, spelling, sentence structure and typos throughout!  Now, before you call me the pot and accuse me of calling the kettle black, let me clarify here.  I know I’m a horrible speller.  I know I’m constantly leaving entire words out, misspelling common words and phrases and I sometimes have trouble putting together the most simple sentences and paragraphs.  That’s why I’ve allowed my sister to marry a Marine with a journalism degree.  What better combination to have in the family to keep me straight?  I’m not saying I’m the English Nazi who sets the standard for good and proper writing.  “No publishing for YOU!” 🙂  What I am saying is that I’m not about to go write a book for parents called “Raising Children Who Succeed” and post it on a homeschooling site when it’s filled with horrendous writing!  You don’t have to send it to the Times for editing, no.  But have your Grandma at least proofread the thing for Pete’s sake!  My six year old could mark this thing up with red ink, it’s so bad!  Where was the editor?  Working on the cool cover design in the graphics room, or what?  And the height of irony is the fact that it was produced by (or least distributed on) a site directed at home schooling families.  Is this what the public should see from this movement?  Books 1/2 written by humans and 1/2 written by our pets with a pen in their mouth, using a word processing program that didn’t come with a spell check function?  Good grief, Wally!

    2.  The  entire book makes no mention of the importance of a healthy, God fearing Christian walk as an indicator of success.  In fact, other “indicators” of success are given instead.  In the section on teaching personal financial skills, for example, stories are told about young teens who created their own businesses.  The paragraph ends with a declaration, “Now I’d say that’s success!”  Well, I wouldn’t.  I’m not expecting the author to promote Christianity if they aren’t a Christian and I don’t know what, if any, faith they may or may not adhere to.  I’m not expecting figs from a thorn bush here.  All I’m saying is that once you get through the atrocious writing, the actual message itself is pretty worthless in light of God’s standard for success found in the Bible.

    Here’s where my copy landed after I was done –

    Let me just say this.  We (no matter what or who we’re representing) need to be careful what impression we convey to the reading world watching us.  If you are in the military, be careful what you say, write and do.  People are watching and unfortunately, they connect what you produce to the uniform of the organization you represent.  Are you a home schooling family?  Write well, speak well, shape up!  Perfection is unattainable.  But excellence should be pursued.  We’ll never be perfect, but we sure better try to come across as people striving for excellence in every area.  Secondly, success isn’t something we define by looking at our culture, the latest guy to hit billionaire status or even the nicest, most friendly people we know.  God talks about success in His Word, he’s not silent about it.  Read the book of Proverbs for a start.  Shepherding a Child’s Heart is a great alternative to Raising Children who…

    OK, rant/warning/encouragement over.


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    2 Responses

    1. ok, this made me bust out laughing! I too abhor terrible writing! and editing is essential! and if a computer has spell check, how come a printed book can get all the way to the printer without someone fixing the errors? take a look at the Livingston county press tho, for another example

    2. The content of a book is one thing and the presentation is quite another. That being said, horrid presentation can completely nullify the content. I’m fairly good at spelling, grammar and the like and errors grate on the inner ear with which I’m reading the text. Too many errors and I toss the book.

      -paul said “The entire book makes no
      mention of the importance of a healthy, God
      fearing Christian walk as an indicator of
      success.” There’s no reason that it should. Not everyone believes in your version of a
      deity and many who believe have different ideas about their relationship to it.

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