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  • Heard in the Dare House

  • Naomi"Mom, isn't the Charleston that dance on that show Fresh Prince...or....?"
  • Pete"We should all act out a Shakespeare play. Maybe Macbeth?"
    Anna "Oh! I want to play MacMeth!"

  • Josh"Owe! I bit my tongue!"
    Mom "That's not part of dinner, dude."
    Josh"I know. That's why I didn't bite it off, Michael Tyson"

  • Dad "Josh, do you know who Mike Tyson bit?"
    Josh"Uuuhh...yeah...like... Leonard Skimmer?"

  • Anna [When we were all talking about love languages, Dad explains how you can change over your life]"Oh yeah, totally. 'Cause I used to be into drawing."
  • Anna [after falling off her bike]"I'm OK! I don't need the arcade kit!"
  • Dad [Getting ready to give a gift to the girls for their piano recital]"Alright girls, we're going to do something that's long overdue."
    Anna "Ha. Probably taxes..."

  • Josh [After reading Peter's sign that said, "DJ takes requests, and tips] "Hey. I have a tip for you. If people don't like the song you're playing, you should change it."
  • Anna "Sometimes I look around and think, I am Anna...and these are other people..."
  • Josh "Listen. You give me the Simon's Quest code and I'll shop in the women's section!"
  • Josh "You smell like an air freshener, Mom."
    Dad "oh Josh those are kind of cheap so that sounds like you’re kind of insulting Mom when you say that."
    Josh "MMMMmmmm…you smell like a $100 air freshener."

  • Anna "Mom. Where’s the first Bible ever. Like ever."
    Mom "Ummm, I’m not sure. But maybe you could ask Dad about that"
    Anna "Well. I was gonna, but I didn’t want to get a whole sermon…so I asked you"

  • Dad "Hmm. These chips taste stale."
    Mom "They're not stale. They're just from Aldi."

  • Naomi "Look Mom! My foot is bigger than Anna's whole face!"
  • Peter [Interrupting Mom quizzing Naomi on Science by asking, "What's inside the membrane of a cell?"] "...Insane?"
  • Anna [Seeing Almonso Wilder grab Laura Ingles' engagement ring from the kitchen on Little House] "Hmph. He just grabbed a chill pill."
  • Josh "Dad, my grammar book must be in labor. It keeps talking about contractions"
  • Josh [After Dad picked a crumb off Josh's shirt]"Dad, you're like a parasite, cleaning me."
  • Anna[Watching Dorothy's friends break her out of the wicked witch's castle]: "Well. That's why you always keep your axe with ya."
  • Josh: "I wonder if there are any tornadoes at the campground we're going to."
    Anna: "Yes. There are. I know. I checked on E-Bay."

  • Mom: "Mmmm, Josh. You smell really good. Are you wearing cologne?"
    Josh: "Wait. My.....Clone Trooper, you mean?"

  • Mom: "I delivered all four of these kids. The least they can do is let me have the rest of the dill pickle potato chips!"
  • Josh: "You're a weak-aholic!"
    Dad: "A weakaholic?!"
    Josh: "Yeah. You're addicted to being weak!"

  • Dad: [After listening to the long piano intro to Chicago's Does anybody really know what time it is?] "I don't like that dissident music. It's all crazy and off time."
    Anna: "I like it! 'Cuz that's how I play!"

  • Paul: "So according to this book kids, who shot JFK?"
    Josh: "Lee Elvis Hardwell?"

  • Paul: "How Many Kings by Downhere is a perfect running song. The beat is just my pace."
    Jen: "Oh yeah? My song is Canon in D."

  • Anna[while washing herself in the shower]: "Hmmmmm. Arms are helpful."
  • Anna [Seeing Mom running water in the kitchen sink]: "Hey! You want to pay bills?!"
    Mom: "Huh?"
    Anna: "You're wasting!"

  • Josh: "Mom, can I play Mario?"
    Mom: "No Josh. Today is craft day. We're doing stuff for someone."
    Josh: "Yeah. I was gonna beat the game for Dad."

  • Anna: [Laying in bed, in a depressed voice]"Naomi, what do I do with life?"
    Naomi: "Uhh...how about you go to sleep?"

  • Mom: "Weird, I've always heard that song differently. But hey, what am I?"
    Anna: "A human being!"

  • Anna: [After being told to eat her dinner]"Mom, I took two bites! You can see the ground!"
  • Josh: "Man, I want to go to a casino."
    Mom: "What?!"
    Josh: "Wait. Is casino the same as gazebo?"

  • Jen to the kids: "Guys, don't forget toppings for your salad. The more colors on your salad, the better it is for you."
    Josh: "Even if it has Superman ice cream on it?!"

  • Anna"Huh? Craig has a list?"
  • Anna"Naomi, can you look at your calendar with your eyes closed?"
    Naomi"No. No one can, silly."
    Anna"Chuck Norris can!!"

  • Mom"Thanks to Naomi, who passed her headache on to me."
    Naomi"Pastor Headache? Who's Pastor Headache?!"

  • Darefamily: “Night, Pete. Night, Naomi. Night, Mom. Night, Dad...”
    Anna: “Night, vision!”

  • Anna: “Dad, do you believe in Santa?”
    Dad: “Sure, St. Nicholas was at the council of Nicea. He punched Arius in the mouth for his heresy…”
    Anna: “Hmmmm…I don’t remember seeing that in the video…”

  • Pete: "Josh, you know what the Pope is, right?"
    Josh: "Yeah. The stuff in the orange juice."

  • Anna: "Yeah! Let's get this starty parted!"
  • Josh"Bummer Mom, you're not ticklish. But I can still hurt you, because your nervous system is working!"
  • Josh"Sorry Grandma, I don't really like antiques...unless they have up to date stuff."
  • Naomi:"I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of, a whale or a shark, 'cuz I know how to fight a shark, 'cuz they're really weak in the eyes..."
  • Hang up already!

    OK, I’m sorry but three strikes and you’re out.

    Strike 1– I approach the line at the cafeteria on the first floor of my office building to see the following new sign that reads:

    “Please do not talk on your cell phone when you are ordering food.  Thank you, Cafe Claire”

    Strike 2– I walk into a Little Caesar’s to pick up my two “Hot and Ready” pizzas in the middle of a phone call.  I tell the friend, “Hang on one second, I’m going to put you down, I’m in the store.”  Turning to the two girls behind the counter I say, “Sorry about that, I don’t want to talk on the phone when I’m talking to you guys.”  They look at me in complete and utter disbelief and one of them exclaims, “Oh my goodness, you are the first person who has ever done or said that!  Most people get annoyed when we try to hand them their pizza and some even say ‘Uh…I’m on the phone!'”

    Strike 3– I’m checking out in Kroger yesterday morning at the U-Scan with my back to another customer who’s talking on his phone while he rings his stuff up.  The U-Scan attendant kinda yells over at him saying, “You’re all set, just hit ‘pay now’, you’re trying to scan it twice”  He mumbles something and she repeats herself to try to help him.  He mumbles again and when she tries to be more clear he interrupts her with a raised voice and says, “I’m talking on the phone!  It’s kinds hard to have two conversations with someone!”

    I think I’m a reasonable guy.  I’m not perfect and I’m not the standard by which all acceptable social behavior is measured.  I have my idiosyncrasies.  I’ve been rude, aloof and down right wrong in public and yes, sometimes my failures have involved my mobile device.  But come on.  Is this what it’s come to?  Have we somehow devolved into actually thinking that it’s the other person who’s being rude in a place of business when they interrupt our phone call?!  What used to happen when you were on the home phone and a family member or neighbor dropped by unexpectedly?  Did you just keep chatting away?  No.  You told the person you would call them back later or just let them go because someone had showed up and somehow you just knew that a face to face interaction took priority over a phone call.

    I’m not advocating we never use our phones in stores or restaurants.  I think it’s OK.  What I am saying is that once someone physically in your presence is attempting to address you, tell your pal on the other end of the line to hang on or hang up.   Common sense, common courtesy.  We’re already rude enough, let’s not let the mobile device plunge us further into the abyss of self-centeredness.

    -paul

    PS -For “Strike 4” I recently read a post by a doctor where he bemoans the fact that his patience are constantly talking on their cell phones when…are you ready for this…he comes to check on them in the exam room.  oye!

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    3 Responses

    1. that gun is creepy.

      but I bookmarked the Dr. blog!

    2. I agree 100% with you on this one. I do not feel there is anything wrong with cell phones. They have come in very handy for me at different times. However, being just plain rude when using one is uncalled for!

    3. This was a great post! I feel the same way as you do about cell phone usage!

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