• Pick a Category

  • Heard in the Dare House

  • Naomi"Mom, isn't the Charleston that dance on that show Fresh Prince...or....?"
  • Pete"We should all act out a Shakespeare play. Maybe Macbeth?"
    Anna "Oh! I want to play MacMeth!"

  • Josh"Owe! I bit my tongue!"
    Mom "That's not part of dinner, dude."
    Josh"I know. That's why I didn't bite it off, Michael Tyson"

  • Dad "Josh, do you know who Mike Tyson bit?"
    Josh"Uuuhh...yeah...like... Leonard Skimmer?"

  • Anna [When we were all talking about love languages, Dad explains how you can change over your life]"Oh yeah, totally. 'Cause I used to be into drawing."
  • Anna [after falling off her bike]"I'm OK! I don't need the arcade kit!"
  • Dad [Getting ready to give a gift to the girls for their piano recital]"Alright girls, we're going to do something that's long overdue."
    Anna "Ha. Probably taxes..."

  • Josh [After reading Peter's sign that said, "DJ takes requests, and tips] "Hey. I have a tip for you. If people don't like the song you're playing, you should change it."
  • Anna "Sometimes I look around and think, I am Anna...and these are other people..."
  • Josh "Listen. You give me the Simon's Quest code and I'll shop in the women's section!"
  • Josh "You smell like an air freshener, Mom."
    Dad "oh Josh those are kind of cheap so that sounds like you’re kind of insulting Mom when you say that."
    Josh "MMMMmmmm…you smell like a $100 air freshener."

  • Anna "Mom. Where’s the first Bible ever. Like ever."
    Mom "Ummm, I’m not sure. But maybe you could ask Dad about that"
    Anna "Well. I was gonna, but I didn’t want to get a whole sermon…so I asked you"

  • Dad "Hmm. These chips taste stale."
    Mom "They're not stale. They're just from Aldi."

  • Naomi "Look Mom! My foot is bigger than Anna's whole face!"
  • Peter [Interrupting Mom quizzing Naomi on Science by asking, "What's inside the membrane of a cell?"] "...Insane?"
  • Anna [Seeing Almonso Wilder grab Laura Ingles' engagement ring from the kitchen on Little House] "Hmph. He just grabbed a chill pill."
  • Josh "Dad, my grammar book must be in labor. It keeps talking about contractions"
  • Josh [After Dad picked a crumb off Josh's shirt]"Dad, you're like a parasite, cleaning me."
  • Anna[Watching Dorothy's friends break her out of the wicked witch's castle]: "Well. That's why you always keep your axe with ya."
  • Josh: "I wonder if there are any tornadoes at the campground we're going to."
    Anna: "Yes. There are. I know. I checked on E-Bay."

  • Mom: "Mmmm, Josh. You smell really good. Are you wearing cologne?"
    Josh: "Wait. My.....Clone Trooper, you mean?"

  • Mom: "I delivered all four of these kids. The least they can do is let me have the rest of the dill pickle potato chips!"
  • Josh: "You're a weak-aholic!"
    Dad: "A weakaholic?!"
    Josh: "Yeah. You're addicted to being weak!"

  • Dad: [After listening to the long piano intro to Chicago's Does anybody really know what time it is?] "I don't like that dissident music. It's all crazy and off time."
    Anna: "I like it! 'Cuz that's how I play!"

  • Paul: "So according to this book kids, who shot JFK?"
    Josh: "Lee Elvis Hardwell?"

  • Paul: "How Many Kings by Downhere is a perfect running song. The beat is just my pace."
    Jen: "Oh yeah? My song is Canon in D."

  • Anna[while washing herself in the shower]: "Hmmmmm. Arms are helpful."
  • Anna [Seeing Mom running water in the kitchen sink]: "Hey! You want to pay bills?!"
    Mom: "Huh?"
    Anna: "You're wasting!"

  • Josh: "Mom, can I play Mario?"
    Mom: "No Josh. Today is craft day. We're doing stuff for someone."
    Josh: "Yeah. I was gonna beat the game for Dad."

  • Anna: [Laying in bed, in a depressed voice]"Naomi, what do I do with life?"
    Naomi: "Uhh...how about you go to sleep?"

  • Mom: "Weird, I've always heard that song differently. But hey, what am I?"
    Anna: "A human being!"

  • Anna: [After being told to eat her dinner]"Mom, I took two bites! You can see the ground!"
  • Josh: "Man, I want to go to a casino."
    Mom: "What?!"
    Josh: "Wait. Is casino the same as gazebo?"

  • Jen to the kids: "Guys, don't forget toppings for your salad. The more colors on your salad, the better it is for you."
    Josh: "Even if it has Superman ice cream on it?!"

  • Anna"Huh? Craig has a list?"
  • Anna"Naomi, can you look at your calendar with your eyes closed?"
    Naomi"No. No one can, silly."
    Anna"Chuck Norris can!!"

  • Mom"Thanks to Naomi, who passed her headache on to me."
    Naomi"Pastor Headache? Who's Pastor Headache?!"

  • Darefamily: “Night, Pete. Night, Naomi. Night, Mom. Night, Dad...”
    Anna: “Night, vision!”

  • Anna: “Dad, do you believe in Santa?”
    Dad: “Sure, St. Nicholas was at the council of Nicea. He punched Arius in the mouth for his heresy…”
    Anna: “Hmmmm…I don’t remember seeing that in the video…”

  • Pete: "Josh, you know what the Pope is, right?"
    Josh: "Yeah. The stuff in the orange juice."

  • Anna: "Yeah! Let's get this starty parted!"
  • Josh"Bummer Mom, you're not ticklish. But I can still hurt you, because your nervous system is working!"
  • Josh"Sorry Grandma, I don't really like antiques...unless they have up to date stuff."
  • Naomi:"I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of, a whale or a shark, 'cuz I know how to fight a shark, 'cuz they're really weak in the eyes..."
  • Why I hate going to the dentist

    Over the years, I’ve grown to very much dislike going to the dentist for a routine cleaning.  Why is this?  I think I know.

    Years ago, it was the scraping and picking that I disliked.  Now to be clear, I keep my teeth very clean.  I brush regularly, floss as often as the average person and I don’t eat Jolly Ranchers.  I chase my cream-filled coffee with lots of water and I try to avoid biting my ice cubes.  But – no matter what, they still pick and scrape every time I lay back in the chair of pain.  They even make sure to tell me how good my teeth look from a hygiene perspective – and then they proceed to pick and scrape.  I’m fighting off cringing as I type ‘pick’ and ‘scrape’.  It always hurts just enough to be annoying.

    But – I can deal with the pain.  I’m an ex-soldier for crying out loud.  Suck it up, troop!  See, it’s not the gum pain that makes me dread the dentist office.  It’s something much more serious.

    A few months ago, the dentist informed me that I have a relatively serious grinding and clenching problem.  Done most often in my sleep but sometimes while awake, I’m wearing down my teeth as well as the temporomandibular joint causing (obviously) flat teeth and a fun little ‘click!’ sound when I open my mouth in the morning for that first bite of breakfast.  Yay.

    None of this is painful.  I go through my day just like normal not suffering any physical discomfort at all.  However, that will probably change one day as my teeth are weakening and will eventually break, allowing my insurance company to help pay for one or more crowns.  And not the shiny fancy ones that my daughters wear for dress-up.

    So what’s my problem?  I’ll tell you.  It’s the ‘why’ behind my grinding and clenching that gets me down. Grinding is caused by stress.  This physical manifestation is evidence that I’m worried, anxious and concerned with things that – let’s be honest here – I probably can’t do anything about.  This is why I hate the dentist – it reminds me of my sin.

    The Bible doesn’t let me off the hook when it comes to stress.  I won’t find some helpful little psychological label, in the Scriptures, to get a pass on my tendency to fret and worry.  Stress is actually a sin.  So I’m sinning because I stress all the time.  Sure, I might be better than some and worse than others, but that’s not the point.  Point is, I’m not resting in God’s good and providential plan for my life, no matter my present circumstances.  Consider the words of Jesus:

    “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:34

    I’m constantly taking things I see or experience in life and making more of them than I should.  I’m elevating the seen while forgetting what is much more important – the unseen.  I stress out.  And I can’t hide it…at least not from my dentist.

    But remember I told you my Bruxism was from clenching too?  The ‘why’ of my clenching is even more embarrassing.  I get angry.  Anger is something that has plagued me for as long as I can remember.  I used to be a lot worse, but I sure could be a lot better.  When I get angry I sometimes clench my teeth.  Not good, I know.  I guess it’s better than yelling or swinging, but it’s still not good.  I can’t hide my struggle with anger from my dentist.  Even though he may not know the cause behind the damage he sees on my teeth.  James gives us great wisdom when he writes:

    “for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” – James 1:20

    So there you have it.  I don’t care about co-pays, waiting room delays and bleeding gums.  I hate going to the dentist because it reminds me of my shortcomings, my struggles, my stress, my sin.

    But I also have great hope.  As the author of Amazing Grace, John Newton, once said, “…two things I know.  I am a great sinner and Christ is a great savior!”  When I’m reminded of my sin, I’m reminded of the one who has forgiven me of my sin by his life, death and resurrection.  I’m reminded of the one who calls me to continue in His grace, growing to become more like Him as I make my way home.  I’m thankful for a savior who knows my temptations, my tendency to wander and yet – still waits patiently for me to return to him.  To rest easy in him, to flee from anger and to trust fully in his goodness, mercy and love.

    -paul

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    2 Responses

    1. and here i thought it was because you hated the irony of metal scraping your teeth…

      really though,…good thoughts. i hate sin too. it makes me sad. 😦

      your wifey

    2. well, Jen, I like sin.
      hahahaha
      just kidding! or am I? 🙂

      some stress keeps the blood flowing thru the ole’ body, so don’t get your blood pressure so low that you can’t wake up

      but anything else you can’t control or fix;;;;

      put it in God’s hands

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