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  • Heard in the Dare House

  • Naomi"Mom, isn't the Charleston that dance on that show Fresh Prince...or....?"
  • Pete"We should all act out a Shakespeare play. Maybe Macbeth?"
    Anna "Oh! I want to play MacMeth!"

  • Josh"Owe! I bit my tongue!"
    Mom "That's not part of dinner, dude."
    Josh"I know. That's why I didn't bite it off, Michael Tyson"

  • Dad "Josh, do you know who Mike Tyson bit?"
    Josh"Uuuhh...yeah...like... Leonard Skimmer?"

  • Anna [When we were all talking about love languages, Dad explains how you can change over your life]"Oh yeah, totally. 'Cause I used to be into drawing."
  • Anna [after falling off her bike]"I'm OK! I don't need the arcade kit!"
  • Dad [Getting ready to give a gift to the girls for their piano recital]"Alright girls, we're going to do something that's long overdue."
    Anna "Ha. Probably taxes..."

  • Josh [After reading Peter's sign that said, "DJ takes requests, and tips] "Hey. I have a tip for you. If people don't like the song you're playing, you should change it."
  • Anna "Sometimes I look around and think, I am Anna...and these are other people..."
  • Josh "Listen. You give me the Simon's Quest code and I'll shop in the women's section!"
  • Josh "You smell like an air freshener, Mom."
    Dad "oh Josh those are kind of cheap so that sounds like you’re kind of insulting Mom when you say that."
    Josh "MMMMmmmm…you smell like a $100 air freshener."

  • Anna "Mom. Where’s the first Bible ever. Like ever."
    Mom "Ummm, I’m not sure. But maybe you could ask Dad about that"
    Anna "Well. I was gonna, but I didn’t want to get a whole sermon…so I asked you"

  • Dad "Hmm. These chips taste stale."
    Mom "They're not stale. They're just from Aldi."

  • Naomi "Look Mom! My foot is bigger than Anna's whole face!"
  • Peter [Interrupting Mom quizzing Naomi on Science by asking, "What's inside the membrane of a cell?"] "...Insane?"
  • Anna [Seeing Almonso Wilder grab Laura Ingles' engagement ring from the kitchen on Little House] "Hmph. He just grabbed a chill pill."
  • Josh "Dad, my grammar book must be in labor. It keeps talking about contractions"
  • Josh [After Dad picked a crumb off Josh's shirt]"Dad, you're like a parasite, cleaning me."
  • Anna[Watching Dorothy's friends break her out of the wicked witch's castle]: "Well. That's why you always keep your axe with ya."
  • Josh: "I wonder if there are any tornadoes at the campground we're going to."
    Anna: "Yes. There are. I know. I checked on E-Bay."

  • Mom: "Mmmm, Josh. You smell really good. Are you wearing cologne?"
    Josh: "Wait. My.....Clone Trooper, you mean?"

  • Mom: "I delivered all four of these kids. The least they can do is let me have the rest of the dill pickle potato chips!"
  • Josh: "You're a weak-aholic!"
    Dad: "A weakaholic?!"
    Josh: "Yeah. You're addicted to being weak!"

  • Dad: [After listening to the long piano intro to Chicago's Does anybody really know what time it is?] "I don't like that dissident music. It's all crazy and off time."
    Anna: "I like it! 'Cuz that's how I play!"

  • Paul: "So according to this book kids, who shot JFK?"
    Josh: "Lee Elvis Hardwell?"

  • Paul: "How Many Kings by Downhere is a perfect running song. The beat is just my pace."
    Jen: "Oh yeah? My song is Canon in D."

  • Anna[while washing herself in the shower]: "Hmmmmm. Arms are helpful."
  • Anna [Seeing Mom running water in the kitchen sink]: "Hey! You want to pay bills?!"
    Mom: "Huh?"
    Anna: "You're wasting!"

  • Josh: "Mom, can I play Mario?"
    Mom: "No Josh. Today is craft day. We're doing stuff for someone."
    Josh: "Yeah. I was gonna beat the game for Dad."

  • Anna: [Laying in bed, in a depressed voice]"Naomi, what do I do with life?"
    Naomi: "Uhh...how about you go to sleep?"

  • Mom: "Weird, I've always heard that song differently. But hey, what am I?"
    Anna: "A human being!"

  • Anna: [After being told to eat her dinner]"Mom, I took two bites! You can see the ground!"
  • Josh: "Man, I want to go to a casino."
    Mom: "What?!"
    Josh: "Wait. Is casino the same as gazebo?"

  • Jen to the kids: "Guys, don't forget toppings for your salad. The more colors on your salad, the better it is for you."
    Josh: "Even if it has Superman ice cream on it?!"

  • Anna"Huh? Craig has a list?"
  • Anna"Naomi, can you look at your calendar with your eyes closed?"
    Naomi"No. No one can, silly."
    Anna"Chuck Norris can!!"

  • Mom"Thanks to Naomi, who passed her headache on to me."
    Naomi"Pastor Headache? Who's Pastor Headache?!"

  • Darefamily: “Night, Pete. Night, Naomi. Night, Mom. Night, Dad...”
    Anna: “Night, vision!”

  • Anna: “Dad, do you believe in Santa?”
    Dad: “Sure, St. Nicholas was at the council of Nicea. He punched Arius in the mouth for his heresy…”
    Anna: “Hmmmm…I don’t remember seeing that in the video…”

  • Pete: "Josh, you know what the Pope is, right?"
    Josh: "Yeah. The stuff in the orange juice."

  • Anna: "Yeah! Let's get this starty parted!"
  • Josh"Bummer Mom, you're not ticklish. But I can still hurt you, because your nervous system is working!"
  • Josh"Sorry Grandma, I don't really like antiques...unless they have up to date stuff."
  • Naomi:"I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of, a whale or a shark, 'cuz I know how to fight a shark, 'cuz they're really weak in the eyes..."
  • Thoughts on taxes, refunds, withholdings and the government

    Picture this: You’re Uncle Joe used to be financially savvy.  He was a well oiled money-making-machine.  Joe earned his mullah honestly and used every penny to help those around him.  He was conservative, prudent and generous.  Waste not, want not – was Joe’s mantra.

    Joe shows up after years of being away, presumably away on business exploits, and knocks on your door.  He’s bankrupt.  Joe’s got nothing.  Not even two dimes to rub together.  He’s asking you for a loan.  Now, here’s the nuts and bolts of his proposal.  He’ll take your money, keep it for about 12 months and guarantee that he’ll give all of it back in one lump sum at the end of the 12 month period.  Uncle Joe has always been an honest guy so you agree.  You write him a check for what he needs and at the end of 12 months, he sends you the complete amount you loaned him, no more and no less, in the mail.  This continues for a few years.  Pretty soon though, Joe has turned things around and he’s doing fine for himself.  You, on the other hand, begin to struggle to make ends meet and that money you are now giving Joe each year, could really help pay your bills.  But hey, why rock the boat, right?  You just keep cutting big Joe that check and he keeps using your money for a year, interest free, and returns it faithfully each February, just as he’s always promised.

    Do you see a problem with this scenario? I do.  First of all, it’s real.  And it describes the situation of most Americans.  Uncle Joe is Uncle SAM!  You and I are all too often that kind niece of nephew that generously loans our money to the big bureaucracy called the US Treasury throughout the year, interest free and they faithfully pay you back at tax time in the form of a refund.

    It shouldn’t be this way.  You could use that money during the year!  A refund means you overpaid your taxes.  A big refund means you overpaid big time.  Now, don’t get all in a fuss here.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t overpay a penny in taxes through the year.  I fully understand and admit that it’s very hard to break even on your taxes and come out owing nothing and getting nothing back.  What I’m arguing for here is the that it’s not good to get a huge refund check come Feb or March (or late April or May for some of us!).  It means that you are loaning your money out to the federal government when you could be investing it, saving it, giving it or spending it on stuff you need (or want) during the year!  And the worst part?  The Fed isn’t paying you a cent of interest while they use your money during the year.  I’m no financial adviser, but this is just common sense.  Keep as much of your money as possible during the year and at the very minimum, stick it in a saving’s account that’s making .5% interest for you.

    Click to go get a W-4 from the IRS and make changes to your exemptions

    But how do I change, you ask?  Print and fill out a W-4, raising your withholding allowance number(this tells the government you want to have less withheld by your employer from each paycheck.  Now, each person is different and everyone has a unique financial situation (income, amount of deductions, charitable giving, etc) so there is no magic number.  You just need to play with it.  If you got a fat check back this year from the government, and your income and general financial circumstances won’t change too much in 2011, you can probably bump up your allowances a few digits.  Just know that while you’ll then be getting more in your paycheck each month, you’ll be getting less of return come early 2012 (hey, the world’s gonna end anyway, right?).  But please, if you do anything, don’t say you need your return to pay your bills or it’s great to have a big chunk of change in the form of a refund to go out and make a big purchase with.  It’s the worst investment option out there – a free loan to the government.  It’s pretty obvious the Fed doesn’t know how to manage their money (US Deficit Clock Runs out of Space).  So why do we keep loaning them our extra tax revenue for about 12 months when we don’t have to?  Jack up your exemptions and put your money to use throughout the year. You’ll be glad you did.

    For other nut jobs saying the same thing as me on this topic, see:

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