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  • Heard in the Dare House

  • Naomi"Mom, isn't the Charleston that dance on that show Fresh Prince...or....?"
  • Pete"We should all act out a Shakespeare play. Maybe Macbeth?"
    Anna "Oh! I want to play MacMeth!"

  • Josh"Owe! I bit my tongue!"
    Mom "That's not part of dinner, dude."
    Josh"I know. That's why I didn't bite it off, Michael Tyson"

  • Dad "Josh, do you know who Mike Tyson bit?"
    Josh"Uuuhh...yeah...like... Leonard Skimmer?"

  • Anna [When we were all talking about love languages, Dad explains how you can change over your life]"Oh yeah, totally. 'Cause I used to be into drawing."
  • Anna [after falling off her bike]"I'm OK! I don't need the arcade kit!"
  • Dad [Getting ready to give a gift to the girls for their piano recital]"Alright girls, we're going to do something that's long overdue."
    Anna "Ha. Probably taxes..."

  • Josh [After reading Peter's sign that said, "DJ takes requests, and tips] "Hey. I have a tip for you. If people don't like the song you're playing, you should change it."
  • Anna "Sometimes I look around and think, I am Anna...and these are other people..."
  • Josh "Listen. You give me the Simon's Quest code and I'll shop in the women's section!"
  • Josh "You smell like an air freshener, Mom."
    Dad "oh Josh those are kind of cheap so that sounds like you’re kind of insulting Mom when you say that."
    Josh "MMMMmmmm…you smell like a $100 air freshener."

  • Anna "Mom. Where’s the first Bible ever. Like ever."
    Mom "Ummm, I’m not sure. But maybe you could ask Dad about that"
    Anna "Well. I was gonna, but I didn’t want to get a whole sermon…so I asked you"

  • Dad "Hmm. These chips taste stale."
    Mom "They're not stale. They're just from Aldi."

  • Naomi "Look Mom! My foot is bigger than Anna's whole face!"
  • Peter [Interrupting Mom quizzing Naomi on Science by asking, "What's inside the membrane of a cell?"] "...Insane?"
  • Anna [Seeing Almonso Wilder grab Laura Ingles' engagement ring from the kitchen on Little House] "Hmph. He just grabbed a chill pill."
  • Josh "Dad, my grammar book must be in labor. It keeps talking about contractions"
  • Josh [After Dad picked a crumb off Josh's shirt]"Dad, you're like a parasite, cleaning me."
  • Anna[Watching Dorothy's friends break her out of the wicked witch's castle]: "Well. That's why you always keep your axe with ya."
  • Josh: "I wonder if there are any tornadoes at the campground we're going to."
    Anna: "Yes. There are. I know. I checked on E-Bay."

  • Mom: "Mmmm, Josh. You smell really good. Are you wearing cologne?"
    Josh: "Wait. My.....Clone Trooper, you mean?"

  • Mom: "I delivered all four of these kids. The least they can do is let me have the rest of the dill pickle potato chips!"
  • Josh: "You're a weak-aholic!"
    Dad: "A weakaholic?!"
    Josh: "Yeah. You're addicted to being weak!"

  • Dad: [After listening to the long piano intro to Chicago's Does anybody really know what time it is?] "I don't like that dissident music. It's all crazy and off time."
    Anna: "I like it! 'Cuz that's how I play!"

  • Paul: "So according to this book kids, who shot JFK?"
    Josh: "Lee Elvis Hardwell?"

  • Paul: "How Many Kings by Downhere is a perfect running song. The beat is just my pace."
    Jen: "Oh yeah? My song is Canon in D."

  • Anna[while washing herself in the shower]: "Hmmmmm. Arms are helpful."
  • Anna [Seeing Mom running water in the kitchen sink]: "Hey! You want to pay bills?!"
    Mom: "Huh?"
    Anna: "You're wasting!"

  • Josh: "Mom, can I play Mario?"
    Mom: "No Josh. Today is craft day. We're doing stuff for someone."
    Josh: "Yeah. I was gonna beat the game for Dad."

  • Anna: [Laying in bed, in a depressed voice]"Naomi, what do I do with life?"
    Naomi: "Uhh...how about you go to sleep?"

  • Mom: "Weird, I've always heard that song differently. But hey, what am I?"
    Anna: "A human being!"

  • Anna: [After being told to eat her dinner]"Mom, I took two bites! You can see the ground!"
  • Josh: "Man, I want to go to a casino."
    Mom: "What?!"
    Josh: "Wait. Is casino the same as gazebo?"

  • Jen to the kids: "Guys, don't forget toppings for your salad. The more colors on your salad, the better it is for you."
    Josh: "Even if it has Superman ice cream on it?!"

  • Anna"Huh? Craig has a list?"
  • Anna"Naomi, can you look at your calendar with your eyes closed?"
    Naomi"No. No one can, silly."
    Anna"Chuck Norris can!!"

  • Mom"Thanks to Naomi, who passed her headache on to me."
    Naomi"Pastor Headache? Who's Pastor Headache?!"

  • Darefamily: “Night, Pete. Night, Naomi. Night, Mom. Night, Dad...”
    Anna: “Night, vision!”

  • Anna: “Dad, do you believe in Santa?”
    Dad: “Sure, St. Nicholas was at the council of Nicea. He punched Arius in the mouth for his heresy…”
    Anna: “Hmmmm…I don’t remember seeing that in the video…”

  • Pete: "Josh, you know what the Pope is, right?"
    Josh: "Yeah. The stuff in the orange juice."

  • Anna: "Yeah! Let's get this starty parted!"
  • Josh"Bummer Mom, you're not ticklish. But I can still hurt you, because your nervous system is working!"
  • Josh"Sorry Grandma, I don't really like antiques...unless they have up to date stuff."
  • Naomi:"I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of, a whale or a shark, 'cuz I know how to fight a shark, 'cuz they're really weak in the eyes..."
  • My 35th Birthday

    Thank you to EVERYONE for the happy birthday wishes, gifts and love this year.  I turned 35 last Saturday.  Can I start calling myself old?  That sure sounds old.  Too late anyway, I’ve been playing the “I’m too old” card for years anytime I don’t want to do something with or for my kids.  No, I don’t do that, but it sure is tempting sometimes.  Especially when I’m laying on the floor and have to get up.  Anyway, here’s the yearly “What an awesome birthday, thanks everyone!” blog post for you.

    #1 –> I’m a total pen nerd.  I love a pen that writes well.  I will stop and pause for a moment of contemplative and reflective silence at the grocery store check out if I am given a smooth pen to sign my check card receipt.  I’ve never stolen one but I have pulled out my own pen and written down the name of the pen from the store for further investigation and possible purchase.  No shame in my game.  I don’t write a ton, but when I do, man does it feel good to have a pen that wrights like butter!  Behold:

    Click to get your own

    My Mom knows me.  She scored big at Costco and got me a ten pack of these bad boys.  I’ve already given three away!  They are so awesome, they must be shared. International law of pen nerds #1: Thy goodst pen shall be shared with thy neighbor.  Thanks, Mom!  I’d write my blog posts with these things if Jen didn’t get so upset at the ink all over the screen!

    #2 –> Next I opened these two gems.  If you haven’t heard of Tim Hawkins then I just un-friended you on Facebook.  This guy is hilarious and we can’t get enough of him.  We saw him live a few months ago and even got our picture taken with him.  Great, down to earth family man with funny gushing out all over.  Anyway, my wife and children know me well too!  We popped in “I’m No Rockstar” at Dad’s and if I hadn’t had my Venolin inhaler for this bronchitis, I would have literally died laughing.  Thanks Jen!  Thanks kids!  Can’t wait to watch Insanitized with you all on the next family movie night.

    #3 –> We road-tripped it to Guitar Center and I snagged a great deal on a set of hi-hat cymbals I’ve been looking for.  I already had an extra snare drum and I had turned an extra floor tom on its side for a base drum.  All I needed was a set of hats for a secondary drum set so Peter and I could play together.  We jammed last night and these things sound great!To top it all off, we had my favorite cake for dinner.  I’m sure we ate something else, but all I remember is the cake!  MmmmMMMmmmmm, German Chocolate.  I’m still picking coconut out of my teeth with a smile on my face and the fading symptoms of a sugar coma.

    I’m very thankful for another year of life.  That may sound silly, but I mean it.  I think of how fragile life is and how quickly everything can so drastically change (Indonesia, Haiti, New Zealand, Japan) and I’m often overwhelmed with things to praise the Lord for (Acts 17:25).  I’m also thankful for everyone who wished me well on my birthday.  I’m a big boy now and won’t throw a tantrum if I don’t hear from anyone (or at least that’s how they tell me I should act) but it sure is kind when people say “Happy Birthday!”  Even if they throw in an “…old man!”  Thanks, everyone.

    -paul

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    2 Responses

    1. i love you…have i ever told you that? so glad to have ANOTHER birthday with you!!

      ~your wife

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