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  • Heard in the Dare House

  • Naomi"Mom, isn't the Charleston that dance on that show Fresh Prince...or....?"
  • Pete"We should all act out a Shakespeare play. Maybe Macbeth?"
    Anna "Oh! I want to play MacMeth!"

  • Josh"Owe! I bit my tongue!"
    Mom "That's not part of dinner, dude."
    Josh"I know. That's why I didn't bite it off, Michael Tyson"

  • Dad "Josh, do you know who Mike Tyson bit?"
    Josh"Uuuhh...yeah...like... Leonard Skimmer?"

  • Anna [When we were all talking about love languages, Dad explains how you can change over your life]"Oh yeah, totally. 'Cause I used to be into drawing."
  • Anna [after falling off her bike]"I'm OK! I don't need the arcade kit!"
  • Dad [Getting ready to give a gift to the girls for their piano recital]"Alright girls, we're going to do something that's long overdue."
    Anna "Ha. Probably taxes..."

  • Josh [After reading Peter's sign that said, "DJ takes requests, and tips] "Hey. I have a tip for you. If people don't like the song you're playing, you should change it."
  • Anna "Sometimes I look around and think, I am Anna...and these are other people..."
  • Josh "Listen. You give me the Simon's Quest code and I'll shop in the women's section!"
  • Josh "You smell like an air freshener, Mom."
    Dad "oh Josh those are kind of cheap so that sounds like you’re kind of insulting Mom when you say that."
    Josh "MMMMmmmm…you smell like a $100 air freshener."

  • Anna "Mom. Where’s the first Bible ever. Like ever."
    Mom "Ummm, I’m not sure. But maybe you could ask Dad about that"
    Anna "Well. I was gonna, but I didn’t want to get a whole sermon…so I asked you"

  • Dad "Hmm. These chips taste stale."
    Mom "They're not stale. They're just from Aldi."

  • Naomi "Look Mom! My foot is bigger than Anna's whole face!"
  • Peter [Interrupting Mom quizzing Naomi on Science by asking, "What's inside the membrane of a cell?"] "...Insane?"
  • Anna [Seeing Almonso Wilder grab Laura Ingles' engagement ring from the kitchen on Little House] "Hmph. He just grabbed a chill pill."
  • Josh "Dad, my grammar book must be in labor. It keeps talking about contractions"
  • Josh [After Dad picked a crumb off Josh's shirt]"Dad, you're like a parasite, cleaning me."
  • Anna[Watching Dorothy's friends break her out of the wicked witch's castle]: "Well. That's why you always keep your axe with ya."
  • Josh: "I wonder if there are any tornadoes at the campground we're going to."
    Anna: "Yes. There are. I know. I checked on E-Bay."

  • Mom: "Mmmm, Josh. You smell really good. Are you wearing cologne?"
    Josh: "Wait. My.....Clone Trooper, you mean?"

  • Mom: "I delivered all four of these kids. The least they can do is let me have the rest of the dill pickle potato chips!"
  • Josh: "You're a weak-aholic!"
    Dad: "A weakaholic?!"
    Josh: "Yeah. You're addicted to being weak!"

  • Dad: [After listening to the long piano intro to Chicago's Does anybody really know what time it is?] "I don't like that dissident music. It's all crazy and off time."
    Anna: "I like it! 'Cuz that's how I play!"

  • Paul: "So according to this book kids, who shot JFK?"
    Josh: "Lee Elvis Hardwell?"

  • Paul: "How Many Kings by Downhere is a perfect running song. The beat is just my pace."
    Jen: "Oh yeah? My song is Canon in D."

  • Anna[while washing herself in the shower]: "Hmmmmm. Arms are helpful."
  • Anna [Seeing Mom running water in the kitchen sink]: "Hey! You want to pay bills?!"
    Mom: "Huh?"
    Anna: "You're wasting!"

  • Josh: "Mom, can I play Mario?"
    Mom: "No Josh. Today is craft day. We're doing stuff for someone."
    Josh: "Yeah. I was gonna beat the game for Dad."

  • Anna: [Laying in bed, in a depressed voice]"Naomi, what do I do with life?"
    Naomi: "Uhh...how about you go to sleep?"

  • Mom: "Weird, I've always heard that song differently. But hey, what am I?"
    Anna: "A human being!"

  • Anna: [After being told to eat her dinner]"Mom, I took two bites! You can see the ground!"
  • Josh: "Man, I want to go to a casino."
    Mom: "What?!"
    Josh: "Wait. Is casino the same as gazebo?"

  • Jen to the kids: "Guys, don't forget toppings for your salad. The more colors on your salad, the better it is for you."
    Josh: "Even if it has Superman ice cream on it?!"

  • Anna"Huh? Craig has a list?"
  • Anna"Naomi, can you look at your calendar with your eyes closed?"
    Naomi"No. No one can, silly."
    Anna"Chuck Norris can!!"

  • Mom"Thanks to Naomi, who passed her headache on to me."
    Naomi"Pastor Headache? Who's Pastor Headache?!"

  • Darefamily: “Night, Pete. Night, Naomi. Night, Mom. Night, Dad...”
    Anna: “Night, vision!”

  • Anna: “Dad, do you believe in Santa?”
    Dad: “Sure, St. Nicholas was at the council of Nicea. He punched Arius in the mouth for his heresy…”
    Anna: “Hmmmm…I don’t remember seeing that in the video…”

  • Pete: "Josh, you know what the Pope is, right?"
    Josh: "Yeah. The stuff in the orange juice."

  • Anna: "Yeah! Let's get this starty parted!"
  • Josh"Bummer Mom, you're not ticklish. But I can still hurt you, because your nervous system is working!"
  • Josh"Sorry Grandma, I don't really like antiques...unless they have up to date stuff."
  • Naomi:"I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of, a whale or a shark, 'cuz I know how to fight a shark, 'cuz they're really weak in the eyes..."
  • A Letter to a Young Friend in the Army

    This past Saturday, we attended our very first civil war muster.  The battle of Bethel Church was fought in Virginia, early in the Civil War.  The battle itself is obviously the main attraction at these events, but it is by far not the only thing to see.  There are dozens and dozens of tents set up and civil war era displays everywhere to show how people lived, what they ate, made, bought and sold  and even tents filled with civil war era items to purchase.  One of my personal favorites in this tent city was the Chaplain’s tent.  Here, you could hear stories of soldiers who were ministered to by the Chaplains of the civil war, buy some great books from the era and even take free tract replicas that would have been distributed during the war.  Below is the text from a tract I picked up.  Tell me this same exact note couldn’t be written to a soldier going off to the Army today.  I sure wish someone would’ve written a note like this to me when I shipped out to basic training:

    A LETTER TO A YOUNG FRIEND IN THE ARMY

    Dear A. In the new life you have entered upon you are surrounded with dangers; but those which seem to me the greatest are probably to you the least obvious.  Let me try to unveil them.

    You are cast in with a crowd of new associates, differently educated from yourself, and if you have not a good stock of moral courage you will find yourself flinching before them, afraid to avow your Christian principles, to perform your religious duties, and to rebuke iniquity.  Prayer will be neglected, and your Bible seldom perused.  Thus you will be led to forget God, and to wander from the strait and narrow way.  In this deteriorated spiritual condition you will be extremely susceptible to evil influences, and will fall an easy prey to vice and sin.  You will be invited to smoke, and in your novel circumstances you will come to think it a necessary indulgence.  You will be tempted to partake of the intoxicating cup, and will be laughed at if you resist.  You will hear profane and corrupt language, until your ear shall become so accustomed to it, that it will cease to shock your sensibility, and in time your own lips will be polluted by it.  You will witness gambling, until its crimes shall be forgotten, and it will seem but a pleasant pastime for your unoccupied hours.  You will have to combat with idleness, the prolific parent of all mischiefs.  Pernicious literature, in the scarcity of good books, will claim your attention.  The Sabbath will be stripped of its sanctity, and will become as any other day.  Associated only with your own sex, and many of them dissolute, – away from gentle but potent restraints of a pure and happy home, – you will tempted to forget the mother and sister you have left, and to indulge in deeds and words which they would blush to know.

    Oh, A., if you should return to them demoralized and profligate, how would their hearts ache!  Should you come home wounded and ill, they would yearn over you, and with unceasing care and tenderness would they watch and nurse you.  But oh, should you come back with principles weakened, your good name tarnished, your manners corrupted, your habits vitiated, your soul wounded, what misery and life-long anguish would you cause them!  Physical hurt, even death itself, is not to be feared by the side of moral contamination, vice, soul-ruin.  “Put on, therefore, the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil, for you wrestle not [alone] against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Remember, I pray you, your home, your mother and sisters, your father’s prayers, your Christian nurture, your covenant vows.  “Hold fast that which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.”

    Not only resist evil, but do good.  Be positive in your influence.  Lead those who have not been blessed as you have been, at home, to higher ground and purer principles.  Suppress vicious influences, overcome eveil with good, give no countenance to sin.  Then will you have fought a nober battle and gained a more glorious victory than could be achieved by the clash of arms on the battle field.  “Consider what I say, and the Lord give thee understanding in all things.”

    From your sincere friend,

    B.

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