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  • Heard in the Dare House

  • Naomi"Mom, isn't the Charleston that dance on that show Fresh Prince...or....?"
  • Pete"We should all act out a Shakespeare play. Maybe Macbeth?"
    Anna "Oh! I want to play MacMeth!"

  • Josh"Owe! I bit my tongue!"
    Mom "That's not part of dinner, dude."
    Josh"I know. That's why I didn't bite it off, Michael Tyson"

  • Dad "Josh, do you know who Mike Tyson bit?"
    Josh"Uuuhh...yeah...like... Leonard Skimmer?"

  • Anna [When we were all talking about love languages, Dad explains how you can change over your life]"Oh yeah, totally. 'Cause I used to be into drawing."
  • Anna [after falling off her bike]"I'm OK! I don't need the arcade kit!"
  • Dad [Getting ready to give a gift to the girls for their piano recital]"Alright girls, we're going to do something that's long overdue."
    Anna "Ha. Probably taxes..."

  • Josh [After reading Peter's sign that said, "DJ takes requests, and tips] "Hey. I have a tip for you. If people don't like the song you're playing, you should change it."
  • Anna "Sometimes I look around and think, I am Anna...and these are other people..."
  • Josh "Listen. You give me the Simon's Quest code and I'll shop in the women's section!"
  • Josh "You smell like an air freshener, Mom."
    Dad "oh Josh those are kind of cheap so that sounds like you’re kind of insulting Mom when you say that."
    Josh "MMMMmmmm…you smell like a $100 air freshener."

  • Anna "Mom. Where’s the first Bible ever. Like ever."
    Mom "Ummm, I’m not sure. But maybe you could ask Dad about that"
    Anna "Well. I was gonna, but I didn’t want to get a whole sermon…so I asked you"

  • Dad "Hmm. These chips taste stale."
    Mom "They're not stale. They're just from Aldi."

  • Naomi "Look Mom! My foot is bigger than Anna's whole face!"
  • Peter [Interrupting Mom quizzing Naomi on Science by asking, "What's inside the membrane of a cell?"] "...Insane?"
  • Anna [Seeing Almonso Wilder grab Laura Ingles' engagement ring from the kitchen on Little House] "Hmph. He just grabbed a chill pill."
  • Josh "Dad, my grammar book must be in labor. It keeps talking about contractions"
  • Josh [After Dad picked a crumb off Josh's shirt]"Dad, you're like a parasite, cleaning me."
  • Anna[Watching Dorothy's friends break her out of the wicked witch's castle]: "Well. That's why you always keep your axe with ya."
  • Josh: "I wonder if there are any tornadoes at the campground we're going to."
    Anna: "Yes. There are. I know. I checked on E-Bay."

  • Mom: "Mmmm, Josh. You smell really good. Are you wearing cologne?"
    Josh: "Wait. My.....Clone Trooper, you mean?"

  • Mom: "I delivered all four of these kids. The least they can do is let me have the rest of the dill pickle potato chips!"
  • Josh: "You're a weak-aholic!"
    Dad: "A weakaholic?!"
    Josh: "Yeah. You're addicted to being weak!"

  • Dad: [After listening to the long piano intro to Chicago's Does anybody really know what time it is?] "I don't like that dissident music. It's all crazy and off time."
    Anna: "I like it! 'Cuz that's how I play!"

  • Paul: "So according to this book kids, who shot JFK?"
    Josh: "Lee Elvis Hardwell?"

  • Paul: "How Many Kings by Downhere is a perfect running song. The beat is just my pace."
    Jen: "Oh yeah? My song is Canon in D."

  • Anna[while washing herself in the shower]: "Hmmmmm. Arms are helpful."
  • Anna [Seeing Mom running water in the kitchen sink]: "Hey! You want to pay bills?!"
    Mom: "Huh?"
    Anna: "You're wasting!"

  • Josh: "Mom, can I play Mario?"
    Mom: "No Josh. Today is craft day. We're doing stuff for someone."
    Josh: "Yeah. I was gonna beat the game for Dad."

  • Anna: [Laying in bed, in a depressed voice]"Naomi, what do I do with life?"
    Naomi: "Uhh...how about you go to sleep?"

  • Mom: "Weird, I've always heard that song differently. But hey, what am I?"
    Anna: "A human being!"

  • Anna: [After being told to eat her dinner]"Mom, I took two bites! You can see the ground!"
  • Josh: "Man, I want to go to a casino."
    Mom: "What?!"
    Josh: "Wait. Is casino the same as gazebo?"

  • Jen to the kids: "Guys, don't forget toppings for your salad. The more colors on your salad, the better it is for you."
    Josh: "Even if it has Superman ice cream on it?!"

  • Anna"Huh? Craig has a list?"
  • Anna"Naomi, can you look at your calendar with your eyes closed?"
    Naomi"No. No one can, silly."
    Anna"Chuck Norris can!!"

  • Mom"Thanks to Naomi, who passed her headache on to me."
    Naomi"Pastor Headache? Who's Pastor Headache?!"

  • Darefamily: “Night, Pete. Night, Naomi. Night, Mom. Night, Dad...”
    Anna: “Night, vision!”

  • Anna: “Dad, do you believe in Santa?”
    Dad: “Sure, St. Nicholas was at the council of Nicea. He punched Arius in the mouth for his heresy…”
    Anna: “Hmmmm…I don’t remember seeing that in the video…”

  • Pete: "Josh, you know what the Pope is, right?"
    Josh: "Yeah. The stuff in the orange juice."

  • Anna: "Yeah! Let's get this starty parted!"
  • Josh"Bummer Mom, you're not ticklish. But I can still hurt you, because your nervous system is working!"
  • Josh"Sorry Grandma, I don't really like antiques...unless they have up to date stuff."
  • Naomi:"I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of, a whale or a shark, 'cuz I know how to fight a shark, 'cuz they're really weak in the eyes..."
  • The Barn

    A few weeks ago the Dare family decided to…paint their garage red!! :-0

    barn

    To see more pictures, Naomi posted some on her blog:

    http://pictureperphect.wordpress.com/2014/11/01/the-barn/

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    Ode to “The Quiet One”

    A faithful reader of the Darefamily blog recently pointed out that the “Heard in the Dare house” section to the right rarely, if ever, includes comments, quips or quotes from one Naomi Dare.  If you check out her profile page, you’ll understand why.  You see, she’s “The Quiet One”.  It’s not that she never talks.  It’s just that she’s so inconspicuous, it’s tough to really capture her hilarious contributions to family conversation and put them on paper.

    To rectify what could potentially be perceived as a marginalization of a single family member, we thought it would be best to perhaps bring Naomi’s work directly into the spotlight.  A post solely dedicated to the creativity and yes, hilarity of some of her recent work.  So with no further ado, we give you the below pictures with accompanying descriptions to display both the drawing and writing adventures of one Naomi Rae.  Enjoy.

    We think you’ll agree that the “girl” on the left is a primary contender for extreme makeover(not the Home Edition).  But what’s with the one on the right?  Wow!  That’s a serious artistic improvement!  We were all stunned when Naomi brought us this drawing.  I kept accusing her of tracing this or of having someone else draw it and almost brought her to tears through my persistance.  Woops.  Sorry about that, sweetie.  Anyway, great looking “Lady in red“, Naomi!

    Here’s a closeup if you really want to examine every detail

    Now, onto Nanoni’s recent writing exploits.  Thanks to my beautiful Mother who, like any good Grandmother, loves to rid her house of almost anything, we were given an old “While you were out” message book complete with carbon copies.  Naomi absolutely loves to walk around the house “taking messages” from all of us and diligently recording them for future use.  Below are some samples.

    A little background on this one.  We are always getting telemarketer calls and wrong number debt collection messages on our answering machine.  One of Naomi’s personal favorites is the one that starts with a soft and professional woman’s voice only to be interrupted when the electronic robot voice announces who the message is for – “Deidra Jones”.  We all get quit a kick out of this one whenever it plays and so Naomi thought she’d get this memorable occurrence recorded in the Darefamily archives.

    As I said above, Naomi loves to take dictation.  Whenever she’s found the message pad she’s constantly asking us to “give her a message” and she’ll make sure it gets to the right party.  This one came from me – after about the 20th time she had asked me for one.  She didn’t laugh at anything I told her to write.  Just looked at me strange each time.  Jen smiled, so it was worth it.

    My personal favorite.  I still feel pain in my abdomen from the hysterical and sustained laughter that ensued when we read this one.  Now, in all fairness, we did ask Naomi if she originally wrote “Stuff” or “Staff” and she did intend to write “Stuff.”  But, because her “u” was almost closed at the top, we read it as an “a” and were dying.  We asked if we could offer one editorial suggestion and make the “u” an “a” for full force facetiousness.  To which, she agreed.  Hey, I’ve met some of the Purple Heart staff and I can honestly say, I do think they would keep a group of cannibals busy for a while.  LOL.  Whole new meaning to “chewing the fat.”  🙂

    So, there you have it.  “The Quiet One” is alive and well.  Yes, she doesn’t leave much of  a footprint on the family blog, but she’s contributing in her own unique way behind the scenes.  If anyone would like to see more of her work, let us know and she’ll send you a private email with attached resume.  Like Peter said in the car the other day, “…it’s amazing what people will do in today’s economy”

    🙂

    -paul

    When you know you’ve mastered Microsoft Paint!

    I was in a training class at work recently and the instructor said he had “mad MS paint skills” as he began to draw a network diagram to illustrate a point.  Googling that phrase brought this up.

    Check it out- Mad MSPaint skills!

    I can’t draw something in paint with any detail for more than about 20 minutes before I get a serious headache and a debilitating hand cramp.

    This is now the new standard.  Adjust your skillz accordingly.

    -paul

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