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  • Heard in the Dare House

  • Pete"We should all act out a Shakespeare play. Maybe Macbeth?"
    Anna "Oh! I want to play MacMeth!"

  • Josh"Owe! I bit my tongue!"
    Mom "That's not part of dinner, dude."
    Josh"I know. That's why I didn't bite it off, Michael Tyson"

  • Dad "Josh, do you know who Mike Tyson bit?"
    Josh"Uuuhh...yeah...like... Leonard Skimmer?"

  • Anna [When we were all talking about love languages, Dad explains how you can change over your life]"Oh yeah, totally. 'Cause I used to be into drawing."
  • Anna [after falling off her bike]"I'm OK! I don't need the arcade kit!"
  • Dad [Getting ready to give a gift to the girls for their piano recital]"Alright girls, we're going to do something that's long overdue."
    Anna "Ha. Probably taxes..."

  • Josh [After reading Peter's sign that said, "DJ takes requests, and tips] "Hey. I have a tip for you. If people don't like the song you're playing, you should change it."
  • Anna "Sometimes I look around and think, I am Anna...and these are other people..."
  • Josh "Listen. You give me the Simon's Quest code and I'll shop in the women's section!"
  • Josh "You smell like an air freshener, Mom."
    Dad "oh Josh those are kind of cheap so that sounds like you’re kind of insulting Mom when you say that."
    Josh "MMMMmmmm…you smell like a $100 air freshener."

  • Anna "Mom. Where’s the first Bible ever. Like ever."
    Mom "Ummm, I’m not sure. But maybe you could ask Dad about that"
    Anna "Well. I was gonna, but I didn’t want to get a whole sermon…so I asked you"

  • Dad "Hmm. These chips taste stale."
    Mom "They're not stale. They're just from Aldi."

  • Naomi "Look Mom! My foot is bigger than Anna's whole face!"
  • Peter [Interrupting Mom quizzing Naomi on Science by asking, "What's inside the membrane of a cell?"] "...Insane?"
  • Anna [Seeing Almonso Wilder grab Laura Ingles' engagement ring from the kitchen on Little House] "Hmph. He just grabbed a chill pill."
  • Josh "Dad, my grammar book must be in labor. It keeps talking about contractions"
  • Josh [After Dad picked a crumb off Josh's shirt]"Dad, you're like a parasite, cleaning me."
  • Anna[Watching Dorothy's friends break her out of the wicked witch's castle]: "Well. That's why you always keep your axe with ya."
  • Josh: "I wonder if there are any tornadoes at the campground we're going to."
    Anna: "Yes. There are. I know. I checked on E-Bay."

  • Mom: "Mmmm, Josh. You smell really good. Are you wearing cologne?"
    Josh: "Wait. My.....Clone Trooper, you mean?"

  • Mom: "I delivered all four of these kids. The least they can do is let me have the rest of the dill pickle potato chips!"
  • Josh: "You're a weak-aholic!"
    Dad: "A weakaholic?!"
    Josh: "Yeah. You're addicted to being weak!"

  • Dad: [After listening to the long piano intro to Chicago's Does anybody really know what time it is?] "I don't like that dissident music. It's all crazy and off time."
    Anna: "I like it! 'Cuz that's how I play!"

  • Paul: "So according to this book kids, who shot JFK?"
    Josh: "Lee Elvis Hardwell?"

  • Paul: "How Many Kings by Downhere is a perfect running song. The beat is just my pace."
    Jen: "Oh yeah? My song is Canon in D."

  • Anna[while washing herself in the shower]: "Hmmmmm. Arms are helpful."
  • Anna [Seeing Mom running water in the kitchen sink]: "Hey! You want to pay bills?!"
    Mom: "Huh?"
    Anna: "You're wasting!"

  • Josh: "Mom, can I play Mario?"
    Mom: "No Josh. Today is craft day. We're doing stuff for someone."
    Josh: "Yeah. I was gonna beat the game for Dad."

  • Anna: [Laying in bed, in a depressed voice]"Naomi, what do I do with life?"
    Naomi: "Uhh...how about you go to sleep?"

  • Mom: "Weird, I've always heard that song differently. But hey, what am I?"
    Anna: "A human being!"

  • Anna: [After being told to eat her dinner]"Mom, I took two bites! You can see the ground!"
  • Josh: "Man, I want to go to a casino."
    Mom: "What?!"
    Josh: "Wait. Is casino the same as gazebo?"

  • Jen to the kids: "Guys, don't forget toppings for your salad. The more colors on your salad, the better it is for you."
    Josh: "Even if it has Superman ice cream on it?!"

  • Anna"Huh? Craig has a list?"
  • Anna"Naomi, can you look at your calendar with your eyes closed?"
    Naomi"No. No one can, silly."
    Anna"Chuck Norris can!!"

  • Mom"Thanks to Naomi, who passed her headache on to me."
    Naomi"Pastor Headache? Who's Pastor Headache?!"

  • Darefamily: “Night, Pete. Night, Naomi. Night, Mom. Night, Dad...”
    Anna: “Night, vision!”

  • Anna: “Dad, do you believe in Santa?”
    Dad: “Sure, St. Nicholas was at the council of Nicea. He punched Arius in the mouth for his heresy…”
    Anna: “Hmmmm…I don’t remember seeing that in the video…”

  • Pete: "Josh, you know what the Pope is, right?"
    Josh: "Yeah. The stuff in the orange juice."

  • Anna: "Yeah! Let's get this starty parted!"
  • Josh"Bummer Mom, you're not ticklish. But I can still hurt you, because your nervous system is working!"
  • Josh"Sorry Grandma, I don't really like antiques...unless they have up to date stuff."
  • Naomi:"I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of, a whale or a shark, 'cuz I know how to fight a shark, 'cuz they're really weak in the eyes..."
  • Is it bragging if it’s your kids?

    OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERASo we figured a special post was necessary for the goofy, funny and sometimes downright hilarious things that our little chitlins have uttered lately.  So, at the risk of sounding like we’re boasting, here goes nothing:

    Dad: “Does ALDI have a bathroom?”

    Kids: “Yes. Up by the register.”

    Dad: “But how is it, is it clean?”

    Naomi: “I don’t know, I’ve never gone in the guys.”


     

    Peter: “Have you guys heard about the oldest woman in America?  She was born in like 1892.”

    Mom/Dad: “Wait. She would be like 130 years old or something.”

    Josh: “That’s impossible, because the Bible says that ‘my spirit shall not dwell with man for more than 120 years.'”

    Anna: “Uh yeah. She isn’t a man.”


     

    Peter: “Man. I really want to fly somewhere.”

    Josh: “I just want to get on the moving sidewalk.”


     

    Josh: “Hey!  They should make microscopic pencils so that single-celled organisms can draw!”OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

    Anna [While wrestling with Dad] “Uhh, I think you’re going bald in the back.”

    Dad: “Hey!  You don’t say that to the guy playing with you!”

    Anna: “You should get some miracle grow.”

    Dad: “Excuse me?!”

    Anna: “It would be a miracle if it worked!”


     

    Misheard Lyrics, by Anna:

    Trading My Sorrows by Darrel Evans:

    “Though the sorrow may last for the night
    His joy comes with the morning”

    Anna’s version: “Our baby comes in the night…but yours comes in the morning.”

    There you have it. If you hadn’t noticed, we added a few new ones to the “Heard in the Dare House” sidebar too. 

    We love our kids. Even if they weren’t so funny, they’re keepers.

    It’s Official!

    Heard in the Dare house – Special Edition

    joshsombrero“Yeah. I’m not dating my conscience anymore. She jumped off a cliff. She knew it was wrong.” – Joshua

     

     

     

    Anna 6th bday with G'ma Dare“That hurts my voice box! (I named her Julie!)” – Anna

     

     

     

     

    peterinthehat“For every act of kindness, there must be an equal act of Tomfoolery!” – Peter

     

     

     

    2013-08-24 17.02.41“I have weird siblings!” – Naomi

    just a silly (and totally awesome!) special character graphic

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    ▂▄▅█████████▅▄▃▂            ☻/︻╦╤─
    Il███████████████████].  /▌
    ◥⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙◤..     / \

    Hobby Lobby Lunacy

    2013-08-24 17.02.41 2013-08-24 17.03.22 2013-08-24 17.03.58 2013-08-24 17.04.12 2013-08-24 17.04.25 2013-08-24 17.04.51 2013-08-24 17.08.12 2013-08-24 17.08.40 2013-08-24 17.09.15 2013-08-24 17.09.37 2013-08-24 17.12.07 2013-08-24 17.17.59 2013-08-24 17.19.30

    What’s on the menu, Josh?

    Josh has declared his desired birthday menu:chinese-way-5_1806163b

    • For breakfast, I want scrambled eggs with spinach and sausage and waffles.
    • For lunch, homemade Chinese food.
    • For dinner I want homemade deep-dish pizza

    Anna’s response: “Whoah….you’re a healthy boy!”

    I still do…

    Why I do still want to be married to Jen

    Today marks 15 wonderful years of marriage for Jennifer and me. I am not exaggerating when I say that I still don’t fully comprehend how I was able to marry so “up” and how she found me a suitable mate all those years ago. It’s something I just have to accept on faith.
    However, I can think of multiple reasons why I wanted to marry her. And the reasons have kept coming in as each year passes. Here is only a partial list:

    • She makes me laugh like no one can, by surprising me with hilarious and fascinating facts about life.
    • She has an incredible ability to maintain and recall memories that I’ve long since forgotten. It’s scary and fun all at the same time. Like a really good haunted house.
    • She’s ridiculously attractive in countless ways. Her humility, her dedication and hard work, her kindness, her hospitality, physically (oh yeah!).

    Jen

    • She is an exceedingly good caretaker of our children. Or, as the kids say these days, “You rock, Mom”
    • She loves her extended family. She loves to visit and have over her Mom and Dad. She changes into a different person when she’s with her three sisters and has a ball with them. It’s a metamorphosis like no other.
    • She loves my parents and gets along with them both. They speak highly of her both to her face and to others. This is a rare jewel in families.
    • She is ridiculously competitive. I should have been warned from the first game of spoons that I was in for a long road of humiliation as she has defeated me time after time in all sorts of games and sports. Even her first time of go-karting, just about a month ago, was characterized by her typical ‘take no prisoners’ destruction of the competition. All that was missing was her ‘brat’ T-shirt!
    • She is adventurous. She doesn’t think she is, but she is. As long as it’s safe, clean, planned, packed for, mapped out and refundable….she’s in!  She’s let me drag her all the way to North Carolina, then back to Michigan, then down to Florida, across the state of Michigan, up to Copper Harbor (almost) and back to Southern Indiana, with not a complaint.
    • One word: Creativity. She is always making something, painting something, teaching her girls how to cook, bake or whip up something new in the kitchen. It’s out of control…and we love it. All I do is go to work. She breathes constant and fresh life into our home with all of new inventions, desserts, dishes, dresses, paintings and crafts.
    • She loves me (yeah yeah yeah). I know it may sound silly, but if you got to know me, you would agree that this is the most amazing thing about Jen.

    Happy anniversary my Jenny Pen. I love you and already can’t wait to celebrate our 20th…30th…50th!

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